Funny Parenting

He Had the Umbrella. He Just Used It Offensively.

A mom's son came home soaked despite carrying an umbrella — his explanation made no sense to her, but every former boy in the replies understood immediately.

· 5 min · Togetter

What's going on

A Japanese mother posted that her son came home absolutely drenched despite leaving the house with an umbrella. When she asked why he hadn't used it, he told her he uses umbrellas "offensively." She had no idea what to do with this answer.

Replies flooded in — not with sympathy for the mom, but with recognition. Former boys immediately understood. One had done the Avan Strash with his umbrella. Another had measured rainfall in his open mouth for two kilometers. A third had turned his upside-down to collect water and race his friends. The umbrella, multiple commenters confirmed, is simply not a rain tool when you are a boy.

The thread became a catalog of what a boy's umbrella is actually for: poking things, drawing lines on the ground, sword-fighting, launching invisible shockwaves, and defeating enemies that only boys can see. Rain protection didn't make the list.

Comments

My son left the house with an umbrella and came home absolutely soaked. When I asked why he didn’t use it, he said he uses umbrellas “offensively.” I don’t understand a single thing about this.
Wait — did he at least have it in his hand? Or did he not even have it on him?
He HAD it!! I just cannot fathom how he could be THAT soaked and still not open it!! I don’t get iiiit!!!!
I live along an elementary school commuting route. Once, I watched two first-grade boys holding their umbrellas upside-down in the rain, competing to see who could collect more water. Utterly baffling children are everywhere. 😥
My kid’s answer today: “It was in the way when I was jumping over puddles!!” Came home dripping. I’ve decided to give them credit just for bringing it back in one piece… 😇
“Offensively” lmao. Boys are something else 🤣
Heh… still a rookie… the real game starts once you learn to use it defensively too… I can say this nonsense with a completely straight face, so call me next time. (won’t go)
He probably saw a manga or anime where the hero stands in the rain looking cool and just went with it.
This reminded me of Kanta from My Neighbor Totoro. (Kanta is the shy, flustered kid who shares an umbrella with the protagonist in a well-known rainy scene — arguably the original boy who didn’t quite know what to do with one.)
Yesterday I was shaking water off my umbrella before going inside, and a girl who looked like she was in the early grades immediately copied me. Meanwhile boys that age are apparently busy collecting water upside-down. Girls really do mature faster, even at this age. 😆
Unable to wield what is arguably the ultimate counter to water-type attacks from above — still half-baked, I see. (Water-type attack is RPG terminology for elemental attacks; here applied to rain.)
Boys will be boys. What can you do.
He’s developing exactly as a boy should 😆
Still got a long way to go, kid… 😮‍💨 In my book, offense is the best defense. Your son gets it. 😌
When you walk past someone carrying an umbrella, don’t you automatically run through “okay, if they drew it right now, how would I block?” Everyone does that, right? …Right?
When my oldest was in elementary school, he also came home drenched despite having an umbrella. His reason: “I was measuring how much rainwater I could collect in my mouth on the way home.” He walked the full 2km with his mouth wide open, facing the sky. Equally incomprehensible.
So it became a weapon❔️
What are you on about — of course you use it in combat… just no thrusting with the tip, obviously.
Sounds like the excuse you’d give after snapping it playing sword-fighting www (Chambara is a classic Japanese kids’ game of play sword-fighting — typically with sticks, toy swords, or, apparently, umbrellas.)
In your son’s mind, every single raindrop must have been an enemy to be defeated 😂
When I was a kid I used to do the Avan Strash with my umbrella, so this completely tracks. Don’t worry — kids are just like that. (The Avan Strash is a signature sword technique from the Dragon Quest manga, where the hero swings a blade to fire a shockwave at enemies.)
The umbrella is the sword in play sword-fighting. Swing a soaking-wet umbrella and water flies off — which means you can do that move from manga where you launch a shockwave to cut something in the distance. Works solo and everything.
My brother had one pencil in his case he absolutely never used. When I asked why, he said it was a weapon. I respected that and left it alone. Then one day his sister — knowing full well? or not? — used that pencil right in front of him. He was furious. I still love the image of him sobbing over it. He grew up exactly the same.
So for your son, an umbrella is a weapon. Not a thing you use to avoid rain ww
About half the kids I saw weren’t even using them. Some were just running with them in hand.
🌂💥
A boy’s umbrella is for poking things, hitting things, and drawing lines in the ground. It is not rain gear.
For elementary school boys, an umbrella is not a tool for blocking rain. It’s a weapon for defeating enemies only they can see, and looking cool while doing it.

My take

Pick up every stick, kick every stone as far as it'll go, flip every umbrella upside-down to catch the rain. For the parents doing laundry with soaking-wet clothes — hang in there.

Comments loosely translated for tone.

Source https://togetter.com/li/2689433