The Auntie Way: How to Accept a Compliment Without Making Things Weird

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In Japanese workplaces, there's an unspoken trap lurking in the simple act of a compliment. When a younger person tells an older woman she looks young or does something kind, the standard deflection — "Oh stop, I'm such an old lady\~" — has a built-in problem: it forces the younger person to argue back, "No no, you're not old at all!" and then everyone has to keep the bit going until someone dies. Nobody wants that.

One woman found a way out. When a young colleague paid her a compliment, she chose "Oh, I should give you something\~!" over the self-deprecating option. Then she theatrically patted her pockets, hunting for a hypothetical gift. The young person played along: "Can I actually have something then?" She fumbled around — "Let me see what I've got..." — got a small laugh, and declared herself officially certified in auntie-mode behavior.

Other women chimed in with their own go-to moves. A lot of them involve candy.

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A young person paid me a compliment, so I knew I had to respond in a properly auntie way. I was torn between ① “Oh stop, don’t go flattering an old lady~” and ② “Oh! I should give you something~” — went with ② because ① would just make them go “No no, you’re totally not old at all!” and we’d be stuck in that loop forever. Exhausting for everyone.

若者からお世辞を言われたので、おばさんらしい返し方をしなきゃ…と思い ①おばさんをからかうんじゃないわよ〜 ②あら〜何かあげなくっちゃのどちらかで迷ったが、①だと気を遣わせて「え〜全然おばさんじゃないですよ」等と言わせることになってお互い面倒くさいし、悪いので②を選択

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They said “Can I actually have something then?” so I made a big show of patting my pockets: “Let me see what I’ve got…” and got a small laugh. I think I can officially say I pulled off the auntie move.

じゃあ何かもらっていいですか。と言われたので、ポケットを探る仕草をしながら何かあったかな？と言ったらちょっとウケたのでおばさんらしい振る舞いが出来たと言えそう。

Adding another option: “Compliments’ll get you nothin’~” (in Osaka dialect)

「褒めても何も出ぇへんで〜」も選択肢に追加で。

I just go with “flattery ain’t gonna get you anything~” lol ()

褒めてもなんもでぇへんぞぉ〜て言うてる()

My signature move is dramatically patting my pockets all over while going “Oh my!! Compliments won’t get you ANYTHING out of me~!!”

私の必殺技はポケットをパタパタ探りながら「あらやだ！褒めてもなんにも出ないわよ〜！！」です

That’s what candy’s for!

そこでアメちゃんですよ！

EHH~?! So sweet!! Do you WANT some candy?!?! — from an Osaka auntie (Osaka women have a long-standing reputation for always carrying candy and offering it to anyone within reach — it’s a real cultural thing)

エェ〜！？嬉しッ！飴ちゃんいるかァ！？！？です大阪のオバハンより

I tell them “I’ll bring you candy later~” and then actually walk over to their desk and deliver it lol

あとで飴ちゃんあげるね〜、って返して本当にデスクまで持っていく。をやってる笑

Okay not specifically for this, but I always have a full candy selection on me at all times (fruit, chocolate, mint, coffee, throat drops), so you can flatter me literally any time!! Which one do you want? Right now I’ve also got individually wrapped Fueramune 😆 (Fueramune: a nostalgic Japanese whistle-shaped ramune candy)

このためにじゃないけど、常に飴ちゃん各種(フルーツ味、チョコ味、ミント味、コーヒー味、のど飴)を常備しているからいつでもお世辞を言ってもよくてよ！飴ちゃんあげる！どれがいい？今なら個包装のフエラムネも持ってる😆

I always carry cacao nib candy. That is what they’re for.

私はカカオニブの入った飴ちゃんをいつも持っていますそれ用です

So this is how the candy-carrying tradition was born.

こうやって飴ちゃん文化が生まれるのか

I also do “Yay~! How many do you want??”

わたしも「うれしー！なんぼほしいん？？」ってよくやる

I go with “You can say all you want, nothing’s coming out~!” or, if they look like they can take a joke: “Sorry, I’ve only got ¥20,000 in my wallet right now.” Hope they enjoy the old lady moves.

「そんな言っても何も出んよー！」か冗談通じそうなら「今財布に2万しかなくてぇ」って言ってる。ババァムーブ楽しんでもらえると嬉しい。

These days when a young coworker flatters me, I go “Oh thanks! Do you need money?” I feel like I need to commit to the auntie energy properly — otherwise people might think I’m one of those painfully cringe older women desperately trying to seem young…

わたしは職場の若い子にお世辞言われたら、最近は「あら〜ありがと！お金いる？」って返す。おばさんムーブちゃんとしておかないと、勘違い若作り痛BBAと思われそうで………

Same!! I go with “Aww, no matter how much you flatter me nothing’s coming out of these pockets… unless you want like a million yen?”

まじでわかる「え〜！そんなにおだてても何も出てこないよ...100万円とかいる？」って聞いてる

A friend and I actually sat down and workshopped “the perfect auntie comeback to a compliment” together, and landed on: “That’s so kind but all I can offer is pocket money~” (fake reach for wallet) 😂🤝 Funny how “giving something” keeps coming up as the core auntie move across the board lol

私も友達と『褒められた時のおばさんらしい返し』を一緒に考えたことがあって、「そんなに褒められてもお小遣いしかあげられないよ〜（お金出すふり）」という良い感じの返しに行き着いた😂🤝 何かあげるというのがおばさんらしさとして共通してておもろいww

Flattery or not, I just let myself be happy about it! 😊

お世辞でもなんでも素直に喜ぶようにしてる！😊

When young people flatter me I either pull out the template “Compliments won’t get you anything~” or just genuinely enjoy it. Though honestly, the young people around me aren’t really the flattering type.

若者からお世辞を言われたら、誉めたって何も出ないわよ〜というテンプレを使うか、素直に喜ぶかな。でも、周りの若者はお世辞言わない人が多いなあ。

War photographer Yoichi Watanabe (a veteran Japanese photojournalist known for reporting from conflict zones around the world) used to respond to compliments like “you look young!” with something like “that gives me courage” — I always thought that was the perfect answer and started borrowing it. Or “that’s an encouragement.” Doesn’t put yourself down, doesn’t get cocky, doesn’t deny the compliment. Just good.

戦場カメラマンの渡辺陽一氏が、「若い」「男前」みたいに褒められた時に「勇気づけられます」だったかな？そう答えてて、なんかベストだなと思ったので、私も使わせていただいている。あとは「励みになります」とか。卑下してないし、調子にも乗ってないし、相手を否定もしてないし、なんかいいなと

I’ve standardized my response to “I’m so glad to be alive!” because figuring out what to say is too much work 😇

最近は面倒なので「生きててよかった！」で統一しています😇

I’m an auntie too, so in these moments I just go “WHEW~!!! SENKYUU!!!”

私もおばさんだからこういう時は「フゥ〜！！！センキュー！！！」って言ってる

When someone flatters me I say “That makes me so happy, thank you. You’re lovely too.” And honestly, everyone who’s ever flattered me really has been a wonderful person.

お世辞を言われたら、「嬉しい、ありがとうございます。あなたも素敵です。」と言ったりします。実際、これまでお世辞を言ってくださったのは魅力的な方々だったので。

My signature is the counter-compliment: “Oh my! Not only are you young and cute, what a sweetheart you are!”

「あら！若くてかわいいだけじゃなくてなんて良い子なのかしら！」的な必殺ほめ返しを使いますかね、私は。

I’m the type who says “Sorry, could you say that one more time?” (high maintenance, I know lol)

「ちょっと、もう一回言って？」て欲しがるタイプです（面倒くさいw）

“Say it in the chat — I’ll forget otherwise” usually gets a good laugh

「チャットで言って！すぐ忘れるから」って返すとだいたいウケてくれる

I rotate between three: “Right~?”, “You think so too?”, and “You’ve got a bright future, kid.” The first two sometimes land, sometimes leave people stone-faced, so the third one might actually be the safe bet.

私は「でしょ〜？」「やっぱそう思う？」「君は出世するよ」をローテーションで使い回してる。前の2つは、笑ってくれる子もいるけど苦々しい表情で固まる子もいるから、3番目のが正解なのかも。

I once hit them with “What are you scheming?”

なんか企んでるんか？って言ったことある

As an auntie blending in among younger coworkers, this was genuinely useful

わたしも若者に紛れて働くおばさんなので参考になった

I’m 27 and honestly I don’t really get flattered or complimented that much 🥹 But just in case, I’m mentally rehearsing all of these responses including the ones in the replies.

私は27歳ですし、人からお世辞を言われたりましてや褒めていただくこともないのですが🥹 いざという時のために、リプ欄に集まった対応も含めて脳内シミュレーションしておきます。

I want to build up my own auntie move repertoire — stuff that doesn’t put pressure on younger people but also feels good for me

わたしもおばちゃん仕草を色々取得したい若い人になるべく気を遣わせないかつ、こっちもご機嫌な感じの

My senior coworker always comes out with stuff like option ②, so I want to stay light enough in my head to do the same.

職場の先輩も②みたいな面白いことをよく言うから、そういう会話ポンポン出来るように気持ちを軽く持っていたい。

“I should give you something~” — love that, saving it

「何かあげなくっちゃ」いいな、おぼえとこ

Beautiful… truly inspiring… and it confirms that yes, an auntie must always have at least one candy on her at all times. rt

素敵だ…尊敬…そうゆう時のために、やはりおばちゃんは飴のひとつでも持ち歩かなければならないのだなと気づきを得るなどした。rt

My take

The urge to come up with a clever comeback when you're complimented — that might partly just be covering up your embarrassment. Oh, and that famous thing about Osaka aunties always having candy to give out? Completely true.

#Funny #Culture

Source & translation note

Comments loosely translated for tone. Reactions collected from Togetter and X threads.

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