Funny Culture

The Auntie Way: How to Accept a Compliment Without Making Things Weird

Patting your pockets and pretending to look for a gift turns out to be the correct response.

· 6 min · Togetter

What's going on

In Japanese workplaces, there's an unspoken trap lurking in the simple act of a compliment. When a younger person tells an older woman she looks young or does something kind, the standard deflection — "Oh stop, I'm such an old lady\~" — has a built-in problem: it forces the younger person to argue back, "No no, you're not old at all!" and then everyone has to keep the bit going until someone dies. Nobody wants that.

One woman found a way out. When a young colleague paid her a compliment, she chose "Oh, I should give you something\~!" over the self-deprecating option. Then she theatrically patted her pockets, hunting for a hypothetical gift. The young person played along: "Can I actually have something then?" She fumbled around — "Let me see what I've got..." — got a small laugh, and declared herself officially certified in auntie-mode behavior.

Other women chimed in with their own go-to moves. A lot of them involve candy.

Comments

A young person paid me a compliment, so I knew I had to respond in a properly auntie way. I was torn between ① “Oh stop, don’t go flattering an old lady~” and ② “Oh! I should give you something~” — went with ② because ① would just make them go “No no, you’re totally not old at all!” and we’d be stuck in that loop forever. Exhausting for everyone.
They said “Can I actually have something then?” so I made a big show of patting my pockets: “Let me see what I’ve got…” and got a small laugh. I think I can officially say I pulled off the auntie move.
Adding another option: “Compliments’ll get you nothin’~” (in Osaka dialect)
I just go with “flattery ain’t gonna get you anything~” lol ()
My signature move is dramatically patting my pockets all over while going “Oh my!! Compliments won’t get you ANYTHING out of me~!!”
That’s what candy’s for!
EHH~?! So sweet!! Do you WANT some candy?!?! — from an Osaka auntie (Osaka women have a long-standing reputation for always carrying candy and offering it to anyone within reach — it’s a real cultural thing)
I tell them “I’ll bring you candy later~” and then actually walk over to their desk and deliver it lol
Okay not specifically for this, but I always have a full candy selection on me at all times (fruit, chocolate, mint, coffee, throat drops), so you can flatter me literally any time!! Which one do you want? Right now I’ve also got individually wrapped Fueramune 😆 (Fueramune: a nostalgic Japanese whistle-shaped ramune candy)
I always carry cacao nib candy. That is what they’re for.
So this is how the candy-carrying tradition was born.
I also do “Yay~! How many do you want??”
I go with “You can say all you want, nothing’s coming out~!” or, if they look like they can take a joke: “Sorry, I’ve only got ¥20,000 in my wallet right now.” Hope they enjoy the old lady moves.
These days when a young coworker flatters me, I go “Oh thanks! Do you need money?” I feel like I need to commit to the auntie energy properly — otherwise people might think I’m one of those painfully cringe older women desperately trying to seem young…
Same!! I go with “Aww, no matter how much you flatter me nothing’s coming out of these pockets… unless you want like a million yen?”
A friend and I actually sat down and workshopped “the perfect auntie comeback to a compliment” together, and landed on: “That’s so kind but all I can offer is pocket money~” (fake reach for wallet) 😂🤝 Funny how “giving something” keeps coming up as the core auntie move across the board lol
Flattery or not, I just let myself be happy about it! 😊
When young people flatter me I either pull out the template “Compliments won’t get you anything~” or just genuinely enjoy it. Though honestly, the young people around me aren’t really the flattering type.
War photographer Yoichi Watanabe (a veteran Japanese photojournalist known for reporting from conflict zones around the world) used to respond to compliments like “you look young!” with something like “that gives me courage” — I always thought that was the perfect answer and started borrowing it. Or “that’s an encouragement.” Doesn’t put yourself down, doesn’t get cocky, doesn’t deny the compliment. Just good.
I’ve standardized my response to “I’m so glad to be alive!” because figuring out what to say is too much work 😇
I’m an auntie too, so in these moments I just go “WHEW~!!! SENKYUU!!!”
When someone flatters me I say “That makes me so happy, thank you. You’re lovely too.” And honestly, everyone who’s ever flattered me really has been a wonderful person.
My signature is the counter-compliment: “Oh my! Not only are you young and cute, what a sweetheart you are!”
I’m the type who says “Sorry, could you say that one more time?” (high maintenance, I know lol)
“Say it in the chat — I’ll forget otherwise” usually gets a good laugh
I rotate between three: “Right~?”, “You think so too?”, and “You’ve got a bright future, kid.” The first two sometimes land, sometimes leave people stone-faced, so the third one might actually be the safe bet.
I once hit them with “What are you scheming?”
As an auntie blending in among younger coworkers, this was genuinely useful
I’m 27 and honestly I don’t really get flattered or complimented that much 🥹 But just in case, I’m mentally rehearsing all of these responses including the ones in the replies.
I want to build up my own auntie move repertoire — stuff that doesn’t put pressure on younger people but also feels good for me
My senior coworker always comes out with stuff like option ②, so I want to stay light enough in my head to do the same.
“I should give you something~” — love that, saving it
Beautiful… truly inspiring… and it confirms that yes, an auntie must always have at least one candy on her at all times. rt

My take

The urge to come up with a clever comeback when you're complimented — that might partly just be covering up your embarrassment. Oh, and that famous thing about Osaka aunties always having candy to give out? Completely true.

Comments loosely translated for tone.

Source https://togetter.com/li/2685750